He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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