If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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