Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
