the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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