haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
