dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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