I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize