He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
