i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
