I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize