We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
