by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
