Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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