Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize