I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
