I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
