We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
