So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
