real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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