how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize