I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
