your thong is hanging out like whoa
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
