Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
