dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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