The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
