Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
