On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
