i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We left the knife in your bed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
