I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
