If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize