just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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