Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
