I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
