I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
