I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
