My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
