So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
