i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
