god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
