you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
