glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
