i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
