You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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