in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
