Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry oubaseball11 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober

Fav 21 1913 4476
share tweet
(951): View more from California

So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.

Fav 22 7396 1982
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.

Fav 16 6090 1686
share tweet
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.

Fav 4 1904 1440
share tweet
(573): View more from Missouri

If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing

Fav 10 2692 1182
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.

Fav 10 1177 670
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?

Fav 3 884 553
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(828): View more from North Carolina

Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.

Fav 0 45 5
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(514): View more from Quebec

Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?

Fav 0 22 41
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT