I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
