New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
God, I missed his penis.
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