Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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