Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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