Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
