he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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