the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
