We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
