genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
