I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
