then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
