You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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