So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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