that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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