i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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