$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
two words...techno handjob
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
