Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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