Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
