Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
