just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
