I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
