I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
