i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
