its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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