goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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