the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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