Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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