Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
